Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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