all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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