why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
