I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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