I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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