You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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