The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
