Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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