Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
