Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
as a side note pls kill me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
