I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
