Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
