I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
