It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
