I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
