I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
