The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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