Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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