yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
