Nicole vs. Life
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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