Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
