We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
