I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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