Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
