Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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