there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Come share oat with me in your robe
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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