he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
