yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i think my cat just said my name.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize