So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
