New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize