I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
