I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize