I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
