He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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