If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
