i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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