I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize