it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
