I'm jealous of your bromance
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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