Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
