I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
