11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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