I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
