I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His nipple licking is glorious
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