i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
