How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
