I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
