Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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