This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
