I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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