Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
