I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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