3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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