drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
