"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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