OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
