I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
