Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
