I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
