I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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