JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
