I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize