Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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