I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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