Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize