Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
