K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
