4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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