She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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